Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
