Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
