What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
