I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
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how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
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YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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