so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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