Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
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We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
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Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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