you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
