Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
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I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
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My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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