She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
