Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
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we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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