You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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