we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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