just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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