Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
