it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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