I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
