So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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