A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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