So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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