I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
