You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
