Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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