And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
