he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
