They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
