the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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