Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Everyone says I win the strip club
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
