I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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