she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
