He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
