I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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