I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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