Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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