So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
