I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
