I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
