the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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