i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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