apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
