i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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