Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
