im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.