Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.