I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again