Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Randomize
