awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
