I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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