and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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