I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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