i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
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