I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
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We can get drunk and battle coyotes
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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