I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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