She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
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Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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