I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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