Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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