is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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