i would punch a child for taco bell
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
