Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize