i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
