Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
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He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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