My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
