it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
